Whoever thought of these has entirely too much
time on their hands and could better spend it looking for employment.
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend
$2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian
backwards: NAIVE
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section
in a swimming pool?
3.
OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags"
and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucks," what does that
make the Tennessee Titans?
4. If 4
out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
5. There
are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
6. If
people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called
Holes?
7. Do
infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
8. If a
pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
9. Why
do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin
with?
10. Why
is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a
racecar is not called a racist?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety
one?
12. If
lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
13. If
Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
14. Do
Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
15. What
hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
16. I
was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they
get older; then it dawned on me.... they’re cramming for their final exam.
17. I thought about how mothers feed their
babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers
use? Toothpicks?
18. Why
do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed
to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage
stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
19 If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
20. You
never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
21. Ever
wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
22. If a
cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
23. Whatever
happened to Preparations A through G?