Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the
car I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling
AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running
very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I
used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple
of beers and break wind, as a form of Holy Communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need
someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to
purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected
to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I
know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances
stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this
will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put
it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television
remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I
may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me
what I'm thinking about. The true
answer is always either sex, cars, or sport. I have to make up something else
when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your
mother, or have your Mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or
think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day
is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my
mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I
liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....
and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember
the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either
pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or
without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the
year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...
like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for Women
to better understand Men.